Broken Girl

Dreamland
Sarah Dessen

On Caitlin's birthday, her sister Cass, ran away from home, just a few days short of her Yale stint at college. Bereft, Caitlin's life took a downward spiral by going out with a handsome if dangerous young man named Rogerson Biscoe, joining the cheerleading squad, getting stoned, and living her life waiting for a glimpse of her sister on tv where the latter occassionally appears as part of talk show staff. Her family is not helping either. Her mother pines for Cass, the daughter who got it all. And her father, well, not much of a help there either. The only semblance of normalcy Caitlin has is having Boo around, their next-door neighbor and family friend. Boo and her husband shower her with the attention she somehow couldn't get from her broken family. Thing is, like her mom, Caitlin is waiting for Cass. While she does, she tries to get away from the shadow created by her more popular sister. And that somehow became the spark that led to drugs, abuse and ultimately, rehab.

Sarah Dessen knows how to paint a life torn apart by choices that may seem selfish on the one hand and yet courageous on the other. While Cass isn't exactly present in most parts of the story, hers is an omnipresence that colors the action of Caitlin and the rest of her family. When I first picked up the book I thought this is a story about sisters, the ties that bind them no matter where they may be, no matter what they were going through. And it's partly that. But the focus of the story is the further negating of Cass. Because in her search for an identity separate from her popular sister, she made choices that later on she knew were wrong and yet she felt right doing the same anyway.

One of them is staying with an abusive boyfriend, which pretty much occupies the entire book. Here we are presented with the beginnings of one aspect of it; the control of the other. Dessen carefully constructs a relationship that starts off as helpful to Caitlin in making her break out of the mold that she put herself into by joining the cheerleading squad, something she didn't even like to begin with. Rogerson is her fresh start. Rogerson is different. And we learn later on how different and dangerous he can be. Thing is, Rogerson isn't exactly a bad character at the start. He has his good moments. But his bad moments are just that, really bad. And maybe one thing, if we are to stereotype the relationship, is that girls would like to think they can change a bad man into a good one. But I don't even believe it even as I typed that.

This is a difficult read because it is a story of abuse. Rogerson is what you'd call "magaan ang kamay" here in the Philippines. It's an idiom and literally translates to lightness of hand. Caitlin suffers and endures through the abuse because she believes it will pass and that later on, Rogerson will be all penitent, bearing gifts and all that crap. It is further made difficult by the fact that none of her immediate family and friends notice anything, not until it was all too late. That part is what broke my heart.

While I have no qualms reading about a beautifully written story such as this, now's the time to point out why I didn't like one part of it.

I like reading about strong-minded characters. Characters who make decisions that may be unpopular but wise just the same. I like reading about characters who learn throughout the course of the book. Hence I understand even if I don't approve of Cass' decision to run away. I mean, it's part of her growing process (gee, I sound like I think she's a real person). As for Caitlin, of course she needed to find herself amidst that family tragedy, so to speak. And while I was rooting for her when she sought her place in the sun, even as she got hurt both physically and mentally in the process, I actually believed that she would do the right thing in the end and overcome the abuse. But she didn't. And that made me lose faith in her in the end.

I didn't like the fact that she didn't learn from the abuse, she didn't learn to say no, she didn't learn to break it off. She cowered in fear and hoped for the best. It's easy to say that Caitlin is still a teenager and her actions are understandable, but it also sends a message that if you can't help yourself, someone else will come and rescue you. And I didn't like that one bit.

But that's just me.

Other interesting points of view:

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The Ravenous Reader